Resilience.

It's the capacity to overcome difficult and challenging times by adapting, recovering, or bouncing back. And that resilience was very much evident when Tarah Schwartz shared her journey to motherhood with a rapt audience at the Royal Canadian Legion in Pointe-Claire on January 29th.

Organized by the Pointe-Claire Citizens' Association and the West Island Women's Centre, Schwartz, winner of four awards for journalism for her work as a news reporter, persevered through a 2.5-hour traffic jam on the Île-aux-Tourtes bridge and captivated an audience of over 40 men and women with her compelling story.

With her close friend and former colleague Lori Graham acting as interviewer, Schwartz shared the struggles that led up to the joyous moment when she was finally able to bring home the toddler who would change her life forever.

Holding nothing back, and with both Graham and Schwartz tearing up throughout their discourse, Schwartz talked about her four miscarriages, the difficulties of in vitro fertilization (IVF), and the heartbreak from a failed attempt at adoption.

Asked what gave her the strength to keep trying in the face of all the adversity, Schwartz replied, "I think I developed resiliency. Giving up would be the worst possible outcome."

Schwartz did not give up. While Montrealers watched their beloved reporter and news anchor bring us local stories, they had no clue what was going on behind the scenes. Going to an IVF appointment at 7 a.m. and doing the news in the afternoon, Schwartz described it as "the hardest part," talking about feelings of embarrassment and shame and the stigma that comes with IVF. She spoke about the need to support the women among us and how, with the popularity of social media, "People are becoming more aware," allowing women to experience more compassion and feel more supported.

The dialogue continued, describing how Schwartz and her husband, Enrico, never gave up on their dream of having a child, seeking different avenues even while attempting IVF. Her advice for those considering adoption: "Put your name on a list. It doesn't cost anything."

Describing the process as "cray-zee," and explaining how long the process takes, with a minimum of two or three years before hearing back, followed by months of mandatory visits with a psychotherapist, all with no baby in sight — years of process just to be ready for the moment when the adoption agency asks, "Do you accept the proposition?" followed by more months of waiting.

And then dreams shattered once again. Getting the call that, for only the second time in the history of adoption in Quebec, the birth mother had changed her mind. It was the moment when Schwartz questioned everything. "It was almost too much."

Schwartz described Enrico as a "solid, quiet rock," letting her live whatever she needed to live, always supportive, always present. And he was there for her when, 48 hours later, the phone rang. Another chance at her dream of becoming a mother. But Schwartz was still reeling from yet another loss. Thanks to the advice of a close friend who said not to wait because of how long the process takes, Schwartz “got back in the machine.”

This time, “the machine" sent Schwartz and her husband to South Korea, where new rule changes and complications with a non-English-speaking interpreter resulted in an eight-month stay... and an introduction to a 13-month-old toddler who would become their son, Sam.

Showing the judge the iPad photos of the couple's interactions and their bond with Sam secured the judge's approval, succeeding in conveying in pictures what could not be expressed in words.

Describing it as "an extraordinary time," Schwartz described how Sam cried for two days, realizing he was "stuck" with Schwartz after his foster mother left. But it got better and better. "I saw him falling in love with me," recalled Schwartz.

Three months after a series of seemingly insurmountable obstacles and red tape to overcome after Sam "disappeared" from the system and was unable to get a visa, Schwartz was finally able to bring her son home, reuniting with Enrico in Montreal.

It is estimated that one in six couples struggle with infertility. This statistic became more real as the evening went on, and women in the audience engaged with Schwartz, her story resonating deeply with the audience. Members shared their own experiences, their successes and disappointments, while others learned how many people have been affected by similar struggles.

Schwartz ended the evening by reading an excerpt from her book, providing guidance to all women who are looking for hope:

"You will survive this.

You will fall.

You will get up.

You will change.

You will hurt.

You will weep.

You will know sorrow.

You will find acceptance.

You will cultivate compassion.

You will heal.

From the most gut-wrenching hurt, from loss, from pain, from grief you will heal."

To learn more about Tarah Schwartz or to buy a copy of her book Can’t Help Falling: A Long Road to Motherhood, please visit https://tarahschwartz.ca.